I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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