is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
