I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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