Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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