We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
