I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
