covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
