My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
this boner is exhausting
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
