i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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