I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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