so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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