3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
