We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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