ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
