how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
