I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
