Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
