Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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