Where is the hickey?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
