I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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