u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
