First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
