I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
