Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
