office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
two words...techno handjob
She bit a glass in half.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
