we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He better not be in your backpack
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
