I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
