Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
