ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
