Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
