hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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