hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
