Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
