i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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