know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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