I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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