So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
