were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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