I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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