I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
