she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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