I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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