I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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