she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
