seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
