And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
