That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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