If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
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I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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