you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
