Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
