You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
