I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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