I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
