At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just invented taco cereal.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
