I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
