Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
