I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
