I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
