that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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