Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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