cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
