Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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