everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
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