We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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