It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
