Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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