Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
