Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
