How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
