So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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