Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
