She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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