Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
