Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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