He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
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Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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