woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
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But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Enjoy the penises
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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