I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
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So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
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Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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