Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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