just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
