I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
