She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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