Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
