Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
