I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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