i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
